OHSS hits hard

November 13, 2007 conceivingisbelieving

It’s official, I have Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). For once Dr. Google was right in his diagnosis. I don’t know whether to feel vidicated or freaked-out. Basically, my ovaries are bursting with so many folicles that they’re bumping into my other internal organs down there and causing me a lot of pain.

My emotions have been all over the place this week. B was abroad for business, my pregnant sister turned 30 and I went to a pilates class for the first time since I don’t even know when. I realized that if I don’t have someone telling me to go to sleep, I just stay up all night. Every night this week, I’d wake up to find myself asleep on the couch, fully dressed, with contacts glued to my eyeballs.  I killed my neck in pilates by looking at the instuctor instead of at the ceiling. And my abs are screaming in agony from a combination of that class and the injectables. I think I may also be constipated by the uncomfortableness is all rolled into one so it’s hard to figure out what’s really going on. The stress of my sister is another topic entirely. Let’s just say that she has everything money can buy so she’s the hardest person to shop for. On top of that, she always gets great presents for everyone else. I spent hours scouring the mall the other night only to come home with a present for B and the next book for Mel’s book club.

I hate that my life is all about me complaining. I actually had a break in the clouds yesterday. Maybe it was the pilates or the fact that I didn’t have to shoot myself up with ovarian hyperstimulation serum, but I felt downright cheerful. It was nice to feel like myself and concentrate on other things outside of IF.

B thinks we should go the States for a bit and try out treatments there. I need to see, realistically, how much it would cost us but I’m very tempted to go. I could be near my family, who are just supportive, fun people. I could deal with doctors and fertility clinics in English, which would be such a relief. And because it’s so expensive, people take you seriously. Not that they don’t here, but I’m just one of many. Even my private doctor, outside of the Israeli health system, has a waiting room which is always packed with people. All of these people are always pregnant which makes me want to shoot myself.

————————————————————————————–

I wrote this a week ago. Since then I’ve been pushed to the point of tears from my constipation pain, I can’t get up out of bed without wincing from ovarian pain, and found out that my ovaries are each 10 cm wide. That’s about 3 times the size they usually are. I’m so bloated that I have to wear my fat pants every day. Skirts are completely not an option as I can breathe when I zip them up. Speaking of breathing, everytime I take a deep breath I have intense pain in my lower abdomen. It’s so many symptoms most people experience during pregnancy and I’m going through them with the hope that I’ll get pregnant.

There, I said it. The word Hope. I always downplay my hopes because I know they’ll be crushed. Last week my SIL told me I shouldn’t get my hopes up for this cycle. And as I protested that I really didn’t think this would take, I realized how much hope I was holding inside of me.

I have a few days before I get my beta. It could be this worked and I risk my OHSS getting a lot worse. Right now my case is moderate. I have some fluid, which isn’t great, but I don’t have to be hospitalized. These were the words my doctor said. Of course, she never told me that being hospitalized was an option in the first place, so I was understandably shocked and relieved at the same time. The other option is that I’m not pregnant, my hormones return to normal and my stomach retreats to it’s original skirt-wearing size.

I’ve waited almost 2 weeks in physical agony. It’s strange to think that this cycle will come to an end and I’ll have to start all over again in a couple of weeks. I told B the other day that I didn’t know how I’d make it if this cycle didn’t work, but now I know that it will be fine. I’ve done it before. It will be terrible and then I’ll move on. I’m not sure at what point I’m going to break.   

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. babystep  |  November 14, 2007 at 12:10 am

    I am so sorry about the OHSS! I think it is a good idea to come out here to try, if you can. I have had some really great experiences so far. I hope that the OHSS goes away soon…do you have any elastic waist skirts?

  • 2. Mel  |  November 14, 2007 at 3:30 am

    So scary–I hope you feel better soon.


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