Posts filed under: ‘HPT‘

Searching for a pink line

I was very proud of myself last week for not succumbing to the pull of the drugstore to buy home pregnancy tests. Last night, I caved. I’ve been having restless dreams at night, torturing myself wondering if I am or not. The truth is, I haven’t felt any real symptoms. The only thing I am feeling is fat but I’m calling it “bloated” and blaming it on the progesterone suppositories which are taking over my life. The act of shoving something up my hoo-ha is one thing, but the truly gross thing is how they leak out of me the next day. I feel like I’m constantly peeing in my pants. It’s lovely.

 Getting on with it, so I bought the HPTs yesterday. I got 2 different kinds. One claimed to be so sensitive I could test 9 days post-ovulation (which I was yesterday), the other was able to be read after 10 days. So I took the 9 day test and saw nothing. I was a little deflated but quickly remembered that it’s still very early to test. After a bit I looked again and thought I saw a faint glimmer of pink. There I was holding my pee stained stick up to the light at different angles to read it better. I tried getting B into the fun, but he won’t let himself feel hope and excitement until we see an actual baby. I understand and admire that actually, it’s just not in my nature to be able to be that logical. Anyway, I was getting really frustrated at not being able to read this test so I decided to break it open. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. This test is an Israeli brand test which is a strip of paper enclosed by a light purple plastic shell which snaps together much like those free plastic cars that used to come in boxes of Rice Krispies. I was so good at putting those together that I recognized immediately how easy I could pop open the purple protective covering and get to the all important strip. And get to it I did. And then I saw it. There was definitely a light line in addition to the control line. But wait! The only problem is that the instructions said not to read results after 20 minutes and it was after 20 minutes when I decided to go into the garbage and break open the test. As much as I tried ignoring it, I couldn’t stop but stare at it until I began to wonder if I actually willed the very, very light pink line there.

Thankfully, I had another test to try. I forced myself to wait until this morning to take it but then I woke up at 4am and knew there was no way I could go back to sleep without an answer. So I broke out test #2 and somehow managed to aim and pee on the stick at that ungodly hour. Unfortunately, it was a big fat negative. Not even a hint of a pink line. Even hours later when I pulled it out of the garbage. On a side note: I should probably stop doing that.

I didn’t know how I would be able to concentrate for the rest of the day, but luckily my job requires me speaking with people about their issues so I’m forced to consider that maybe the world doesn’t revolve around me. Two more hours to go until I can buy more tests. I’ve decided to get another purple toy car as well as the 10 test and maybe one more to mix things up. Maybe this month I’ll just turn my entire paycheck over to the drugstore and we can call it even.


Add a comment June 20, 2007






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